Somehow, after years as a one man band organising barely anything other than my own bedtime, I ended up founding and running a community of thousands, which just happens to involve organising events for the public.

In case you don’t know, the community is called the YesTribe. Our motto is SayYesMore. It’s about saying yes.

There’s a terrific irony here, which translates into my ultimate Facebook-related pet peeve.

If I organise an event it is for the people who can attend. In the nicest way possible, I don’t care about the ones who can’t make it.

So why is there an inbuilt “I can’t make it” response on social media?

I get it, life is busy, sometimes people can’t make an event. That’s fine, go to a different page or have a cup of tea. There is absolutely no reason to write, “I can’t make it + reason.”

Not in public, anyway.

Just, don’t write anything. Please. And here’s why:

Because each first comment opens the floodgates. Before you know it everyone else who can’t come decides that they have to share why they can’t make it. It turns into a game, who has the best reason for not being able to go.

Imagine if you’re a person on the fence, not sure about going, and all the comments are from people who can’t make it. That’s a powerful message, one more likely to deter someone from attending.

I hate to break it to you, but most people won’t be able to make it. I know that already, it’s a big world. Don’t rub it in.

This sentiment also exists when a question is asked on social media. If someone asks, “Does anyone know the answer to this question?” please don’t respond with, “no, sorry, I don’t know.” Mainly because it’s a waste of time and boasting about not knowing something is ridiculous.

So my ask is twofold:

1. If you’re not going to an event, just focus on whatever else it is that you’re doing.

2. If you are, be loud with it. Write in the comments and say why you’re going/ excited. It’ll encourage other people to go and help all the attendees connect ahead of time, and it’ll save the onset of Organiser Grey Hair.

Only respond if you have something valuable to add. If not, save your time for something positive and save the jangling nerves of a hard-working event organiser who just wants to know who is coming.

PS. If you really really want the organiser to know why you can’t make it, write a personal message, they’ll appreciate it. If that feels like too much effort, then write nothing at all :)