SO, YOU THINK YOU'RE GOOD, DO YOU?
Thanks for your interested in joining my team.
There has been great interest in this position (I guess the unicorn horn decorating was tempting) so I’ve created this form to narrow the field. It should take you less than 10 minutes to fill in (if it doesn’t, I’m afraid you’re not right for the role).
Don't feel like you need to write a lot. I'd prefer that you didn't. Be concise without losing personality. I have no issue with a creative application, thinking out of the box is kinda important...
I like to keep things simple so before you fill in the form here are my expectations and offerings:
- I’ve worked largely as a one-man band since 2005, which means I have high expectations across the board and am super choosy about the way people work
- I appreciate that we all need money to survive, but I feel that the sense of passion and commitment for a role is most on show when the work isn’t in return for money. I’ve paid people previously and it hasn’t worked out, mainly because they spent a lot of time staring at Facebook. I wish I’d popped that money into a bottle and floated it down a river instead.
- It takes time to train someone and I don’t have that time to waste. Only apply if you mean it, not because it sounds like fun or would be a nice story to tell your Mum.
- By working together I can offer value that you can’t buy, but it’s up to you to recognise that before you put your name forward.
- If I get the sense that you want reward before I feel you’ve earned it then I turn into a dragon.
My ideal assistant/ apprentice/ sidekick is someONE who:
- Is both a sponge and an ideas machine
- A gorgeous mixture of hot shit efficient and blow my mind creative
- Appreciates and loves my message and mission
- Will wake up in the middle of the night and make notes that they can implement during the next working session
- Is proud of being on my team
- Isn’t afraid to tell me when being a dick
- Works hard and keeps focus. If you have notifications popping up onto your phone from WhatsApp or BookFace or whatever, don’t apply. Life's too short to get distracted.
- Has a sense of humour that would make a statue laugh
- Wants to be awesome across the board, not just in one field
- Can work with me occasionally in London, but will crack on remotely in their own time/ location
You will never find your dream job somewhere else, it's up to you to create it. I’ve always shaped roles on my teams around the individuals, I want you to feel like you’re in a position that you simply couldn’t get elsewhere.
I have certain jobs and tasks to fulfil but I’d prefer you were honest about your strengths and weakness. I'll find out soon enough if you're crap at something when you said you were good. I’m open to bringing in up to three different people to cover the bases, if one isn’t enough, so be honest with me - I'm not going to judge you if posting daily on Facebook makes your skin crawl or if you can't take a photograph.
In the ideal world I'm looking for someone who will be part of my team on a part-time basis for the long-term, although this isn't definitive.
You must be able to offer a minimum of 4 hours a week until the end of the year. (Naturally if you're going on holiday at some point we can take that into account). The first month will be a voluntary and after that we can discuss the next steps. Make yourself invaluable to the level where I miss you when you go home, then we can talk money.
My next expeditions are in Norway from mid July and in the oceans of the far east November > January. If you carry the right skills and attitude a perk of this role may be inclusion in one or both of these adventures, on some level.
Keep it quick, concise and tell me what I need to know. If it takes too long to read your answers I won't finish them. (20 words should be the maximum in most cases.